It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
