Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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