I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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