i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
