There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
