so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
