was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
