After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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