Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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