Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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