You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
