Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
