Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
