My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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