He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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