Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
