Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
