Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
