Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
