Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
