One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
