They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
