Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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