Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
