are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
