apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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