Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
