I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just gargled with NyQuil
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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