woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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