I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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