I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
