Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
