I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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