she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
