see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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