I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
