if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
