Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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