Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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