So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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