We named our party play list daddy issues
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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