i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
