I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
