i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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