I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
