Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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