who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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