but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
