We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His hands were made for my vagina.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
