what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
