Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
