Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
