it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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