if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
