he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
