HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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