We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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