He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
