Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
