Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
