My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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