Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
