Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
