i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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