Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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