You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
