And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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