I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
