I just pynch a tree in the face
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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