I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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