what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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