remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
