Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
