My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
