AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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