she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
