mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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