You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
