if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
