Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
