I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
