Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
