i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
