i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
