hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
