Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
