Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
