you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
